Defining moments

My life is full of moments. It didn't used to be up until a couple years ago. I had always just lived in the past and complained about how bad my life had been and how depressed I was because of all the things that happened to me, but its true what they say... that we choose how we feel and things can not affect us, only we affect us.

I only have this moment. This moment where I get to pour my thoughts out on this page and everything else is going on around me. I feel like I somehow get myself thrown around from situation to situation and people come and go so fast that I cant exactly keep up with how I should be feeling, but sometimes at those really low points where you don't know whats real or not this little light starts to shine through. You have to capture it, you cant just let the only thing real and bright slip past you. That defines the moment.

What do you do with it? You either let it slip by or you stood up and grasp it in your hands and took it in and changed. Most the time if your sitting, you'll stay sitting. This is newton's law of motion to a tee. So, what do we do with it? I keep telling myself to stand up and just start running and keep running. Something in my mind always convinces me to sit down, and some how the motion stops and I have to have something hit me in the face before I stand up again. I am sick and tired of sitting down. I don't want to start and stop anymore. I just want to find a flow. I hate admitting this to myself, because I think I try to convince myself that I am a lot better than I actually am. In all honesty I am lying to myself a lot.

Now what...

How do we come to terms with the fact that we are slacking and we aren't doing enough. I feel like I need someone to tell me I can do more, but that is not true motivation. I feel like true motivation has to come from with in... but what if that is the problem. I keep trying to do everything on my own and I really just need someone to tell me I can do it and they believe in me. What would it even feel like to have someone to truly look into your soul and tell you that you can do it, do everything you've ever dreamed of.

I've always been alone. That is all I know, but my knowledge can change. There is hope.