Relativity

What do we really have? What chances have we really got? Who is really there around us? How much control do we really have? I guess these are the questions alot of us really ask ourselves. I might just be the only one actually. I just have this huge heart in me I know its big. I want so many things and I know I can have all of them, depending on my effort and my dedication.

I want it all so bad. I want it with such an intensity that it brings tears to my eyes. Sometimes I ask myself if everyone is like this, if they care with such a huge portion of their heart. I know we dont really feel with our heart, but it represents something so special. I think the most profound thing that came to my mind today is that people relate sex with love and love with sex when really Love stands on its own and sex is a whole different realm. What if we think sex is necessarily in a relationship just because that is all we have ever really known? It has a lot to do with philosophy.. at least I feel it does. What we learn is what we believe and most people dont test beliefs... thats a really scary thought.. to go outside the norm.. Or atleast it is, why the heck is being different so scary. We are not all uniform who had to tell us that this is it or this is good or this is whats right or this is whats wrong. WE define that. WE get to choose. What is our own happiness. I think the smartest people are the ones that took risks to find the unknown. Isnt that what all this technology or gadgets or cars or houses or seriously anything is... just someone taking a risk to find something better. Putting things together that no one ever said would work or make anything.... who knew we would ever fly in the skys. SERIOUSLY why are we scared of the unordinary if the un ordinary is what gave us absolutely everything that we love today. GAH! my mind is going crazy.....

to calm it down. Be you. Always and everyday be you. With the most humble heart. This is what I want. I want to make people feel like they exist for a reason, and to know who they are.... to really know them.

Humility does not mean thinking less of yourself than of other people, nor does it mean having a low opinion of your own gifts.  It means freedom from thinking about yourself at all.  ~William Temple

Stepping Stones

I haven't wrote about the gym in a minute. I have been going, and I have had my ups and downs as normal. I am on day 4 of going in a row, pretty pathetic? Or, a good thing? I believe its a good thing, we get out of habits but at least we don't just give up on them permanently. I haven't ever given up. That's what I really like about myself. I am constantly working towards what I want, and I have no doubt that Ill achieve it. I know I can, and every time I mess up and sit down and have to get back up I get better, I find more motivation.

That's really what this is about. Learning to never stop. I think I repeat the same things over and over to myself, but they are changing. Its very gradual. The gym has been great, I have felt like my back is growing and that is fun to see. I can tell by the way my shirts fit and when I stand up straight I can feel more muscle in my back flex. Its really fun to see and feel improvement no matter how small.

My life is really great right now, I cant really ask for much more... though im working on much more. Trying to always improve myself. I guess I mean its great in the aspect of my friends and where I am living. I enjoy all of it and all of the memories I have been making. I have had the chance to talk to a lot of new people recently and get to know them, though some have already gone its been an outstanding experience.

One huge thing that keep coming up in my life is the aspect of changing the mind... we clearly try to change our bodies and our appearances and what not. The truth to change starts and ends in the mind. What we know affects how we act and how we act is based upon what we know. Precisely. Knowledge is everything.  Knowledge is the key. It holds everything. It holds the ability to change appearance to change money situations to change relationships to change emotion to change grades to change outcomes to change abilities. The power of knowledge is unreal. I feel the thirst for it everyday.

"Learn something new.Try something different.Convince yourself that you have no limits."

Defining moments

My life is full of moments. It didn't used to be up until a couple years ago. I had always just lived in the past and complained about how bad my life had been and how depressed I was because of all the things that happened to me, but its true what they say... that we choose how we feel and things can not affect us, only we affect us.

I only have this moment. This moment where I get to pour my thoughts out on this page and everything else is going on around me. I feel like I somehow get myself thrown around from situation to situation and people come and go so fast that I cant exactly keep up with how I should be feeling, but sometimes at those really low points where you don't know whats real or not this little light starts to shine through. You have to capture it, you cant just let the only thing real and bright slip past you. That defines the moment.

What do you do with it? You either let it slip by or you stood up and grasp it in your hands and took it in and changed. Most the time if your sitting, you'll stay sitting. This is newton's law of motion to a tee. So, what do we do with it? I keep telling myself to stand up and just start running and keep running. Something in my mind always convinces me to sit down, and some how the motion stops and I have to have something hit me in the face before I stand up again. I am sick and tired of sitting down. I don't want to start and stop anymore. I just want to find a flow. I hate admitting this to myself, because I think I try to convince myself that I am a lot better than I actually am. In all honesty I am lying to myself a lot.

Now what...

How do we come to terms with the fact that we are slacking and we aren't doing enough. I feel like I need someone to tell me I can do more, but that is not true motivation. I feel like true motivation has to come from with in... but what if that is the problem. I keep trying to do everything on my own and I really just need someone to tell me I can do it and they believe in me. What would it even feel like to have someone to truly look into your soul and tell you that you can do it, do everything you've ever dreamed of.

I've always been alone. That is all I know, but my knowledge can change. There is hope.

Wahoooooo...

I am finally working the Job I have wanted for the last year and I am very excited about it. I am working at IdealShape which is a health and wellness company that sells Meal Replacement Shakes as well as ResvereShape which is a supplement. I have enjoyed this first week at work and am already excited for Monday to come around. I have been on a very busy schedule these last two weeks trying to work three jobs and find time to work out, its all falling into place pretty well. Its amazing how I thought working 40 hours a week was hard and now I am working 65 to 77 hours a week. Plus I have made it into the gym for at least 30mins to and hour and a half every single day this week. Don't worry I have managed to keep a social life as well. I have girls night at my house every Tuesday night now. Today's gym experience was amazing, after rugby ended and the holidays started working out got pushed to the bottom of the list but now it is back high up there! Today I did one of my favorite work outs which is arms, both bi and tri's today and did some super sets to really get the burn to set in. I finished with a four mile run and some stretching. The four mile run was rough I knew I needed to get it done but my body definitely didn't want to go for that long. When my runs get tough there is really only one thing that helps me get through them and that is my goals. That is why I will always strongly believe in writing down goals and making goals for the week the month and the year. I know the new year just started, but it isn't just about taking one day to set all your goals, its about reassessing and working every week towards something new. I love this.

The quote today comes from a movie called the Peaceful Warrior. I loved it and recommend seeing it if you havent.

"I want you to stop gathering information from outside yourself, and start gathering information from the inside."

"What, are you part of some cult or something?"

"People are afraid of what's inside. And that's the only place their ever gunna find what they need."